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Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational
This came to me via an email (thanks MSV!). Washington Post is missing an opportunity by not having this online.
Here is the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of convincing another to have sex with you.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like,a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Hit Me On My iPhone
Looks like I should check out Myspace more often. But Pete has a pretty good iPhone song up, can’t argue with that!
The Procedure
I laughed and I cried when I read about “the procedure“… I just hope I can sleep tonight, but an eye opener for any male.
Defective Yeti Humor
Defective Yeti turned 6 on the 14th, so in honor I will link to his Defective Yeti Favorite Posts.
And one of those posts turned into a Joke fest with tons of everything from lightbulb to crude humor, with my favorite being:
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”
The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”
The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”
Spaghetti Ice
One of the few, and most definitely the best memory I have from living in Germany for two years as a child is Spaghetti Ice. I have only seen this in Germany, and even there is it hard to find and usually doesn’t appear on any menus. When I traveled to the Stuttgart area in 1993 I was able to find it at a local restaurant but only by asking.
What is Spaghetti Ice you ask? The great creative creation that is Italian Ice crafted to look like pasta. The spaghetti pasta is vanilla gelato with pureed strawberries for the marinara sauce and coconut or shaved white chocolate for the Parmesan.
The photo above is from my brothers crafting and dare I say it was as good as the old country. I picked up the Spaghetti Ice maker from who else but the Spaghetti Ice Cream Company.
We used the recommended Bryers Vanilla which was fine but gelato works much better. And Hailey didn’t know what to make of it and passed, but Owen dived right in like a champ. Ruby also seemed to enjoy the bowl.
Brooklyn Bridge Early Morning »« Whole Foods Bowery Belgium Beer
Meebo Speeddate
Meebo and SpeedDate, I think it’s a concept that works.
